Description of victim: slim, white, gray screen. Little buttons across the bottom. Clothed in a leather cover. Filled with Jennifer Weiner novels, Alice Munro's latest, and an unread copy of The Road. Last seen on kitchen counter, awaiting next reading session.
Suspect: 4 ft. 8 in. tall, long straight brown hair with bangs, blue eyes. Partial to wearing jeans, t-shirts featuring sparkly pictures of dogs, and Vans because she doesn't like messing with laces. Can usually be found reading a book or hitting boys with a sword. Warning: this suspect's room is landmined with tiny sharp Lego products. May be armed and dangerous.
Incident report: Suspect entered kitchen where victim's owner was preparing dinner. Suspect asked, rather sheepishly, "There's this book I want. Um, I don't know if you'll let me have it."
Victim's owner pictured a modern, racier version of Judy Blume's Forever, and replied with,"What book would you like?" To which suspect replied, "It's by Jules Verne? A Journey to the Center of the Earth? I read 20,000 Leagues and I liked it."
"Oh!" victim's owner replied (relieved, frankly), "Yeah, sure. I'll order it for you."
Suspect then eyed victim on the counter and said, "I hear those things get books really fast."
Shortly thereafter, suspect disappeared.
How you can help: If spotted, please return victim to rightful owner. Well, after suspect finishes with Jules Verne.