Friday, September 11, 2009

How (Not) to Attend a Fashion Event When You Are Maybe Not So Fashionable

Last night was Fashion's Night Out in New York, an event where 700 retailers kept their doors open until 11 pm. Many threw cocktail parties to prod people into drinking and buying, since the economy still, frankly, sucks. 

So anyway, Akris was kind enough to host a party and fashion show to benefit Lenox Hill Neighborhood House, and I thusly finagled an invitation. Believe me, there is no way I'd be invited otherwise. I'm just not a fashionista, by any stretch. (She said as she sits in her pajama bottoms and stretched out t-shirt.)

The moment the invitation arrived in the mail, my thoughts went from Fun! Something different! to Oh hell, what do I wear? (For the record, a fairly safe knee-length black dress and long dangly necklace. I know. Boring.) 

Here are some more helpful tips I picked up along the way. Use them at your own risk:

A. Fashion people are thin, and you've eaten too much pie over the summer, so it's time to starve yourself--Well, okay, I didn't actually do this, but I did eat a light lunch and skip dinner in the name of minimizing stomach poochage. This turned out not to be such a great idea (See D.)

B. Carve a big chunk out of your leg with your razor in the shower--Because aside from the searing pain, drips of dried blood poking out from your dress is beyond chic. But hey, no unsightly stubble. 

C. Arrive with your gorgeous and fashionable friend--The upside of this is that she gives you an air of legitimacy. The downside is that you are now the plain one.

D. Drink champagne on an empty stomach--Especially if you can't hold your liquor, like me. Oh yes, and make sure you slur a little when you are meeting new people. That's a great impression to make, along with your shredded legs and summer pie pounds.

E. Take lots of pictures like a rube who has never been to a fashion show before--Okay, so I did this furtively. I don't think anyone noticed. Or at least they were polite enough to pretend they saw nothing. But still. Whipping out a camera for blog pictures doesn't exactly scream hip and blase. And if you are going to go ahead and do that, make sure you...

F. Lose your cable that connects the camera to your laptop--So that the picture-taking is moot. Sorry, blog friends. I can't find it anywhere!

I did end up having fun, and the clothing was amazing. 

Have a great weekend!



9 comments:

Janna Qualman said...

*roar* Hilarious! I, um, am sorry for those not-so-swell aspects, but you got some great fodder! And I can relate to the self-deprecation. ;)

Allie said...

You're so funny! This is a great guide. :)

I wish they'd make those cables retractable like old vacuum cords. I can never find mine when I need it either!

sue laybourn said...

That made me giggle.

I really wish there were pictures.

Nadine said...

Sounds like a fun event!! I was totally thinking Sex and The City when you were describing it - as that is the only experience with fashion that I have.

Christina Lee said...

funny!!!first time here- had to click over when I saw your topic. Sometimes I SO miss living in NY-but I no longer miss THAT scene. I can be my own kind of fashionista in the midwest! :)Take care!

WendyCinNYC said...

Janna--The whole situation was rife with self-deprecation. Really.

Allie--Ugh, I know. I put them in a safe place...somewhere.

Sue--I'll post pics if I can find my cable

Nadine--Oh yes, I'm so very Carrie. Or...not.

Christina--We switched places!

Melanie Avila said...

Ha! This cracked me up. All of it. :)

I screwed a hook to the underside of my desk exclusively for my camera cable. Now I can always find it!

SharonK said...

I would have dug deep with the razor to be sure I was physically incapable of attending... but if I had to go no matter what I wore it wouldn't be complete without full body armor, aka Spanx.

Most laptops have ports for the storage devices? Or you can buy the USB thing that you insert the storage into.. must see photos!!!

stacey said...

ROFL! Great post!